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hazel_bea
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Name: hazel
Birthday: 1/4/1980
Gender: Female
Interests: GILBERT CHAN=), soccer, sleeping, eating, dancing, singing, studying, reading
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Yahoo:  hazel_bea
Member Since:
9/15/2003
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| Falling in love? Is it worth it?
Sometimes in the past, late at night, when
it's too quiet to pretend, I worry if I believe
in anything at all or at least in anything
beautiful. I believed in change because it is
permanent. I believed in pain because it is
sometimes physical. I believe in anger because it
can consume you. But I was not sure I can believe
in either love or trust. I could not then
understand these two things most people build
their dreams on.
Love fails to be unconditional by that one
condition itself. It ends when we fall out of it.
Then, we claim it never was love because love
shouldn't die. It is forever. But when it becomes
a routine (like saying "I love you" for
instance), love does die. Lastly, when love turns
selfish, confusing and burdensome, it isn't
beautiful anymore.
As for trust, it was self-explanatory until I
doubted it. When curiosity gives way to
suspicion, betrayal isn't far behind. For every
failed judgment we ask ourselves: "Did I trust
too little or too much?". It is difficult to shut
up every question in favor of complete trust,
only to realize too late something you could have
known had you only asked. Where does love and
trust start and end?
I have seen hundreds of people disappointed
over unfulfilling relationships. I have seen
passion turn into poison. I have grieved with
them for the love they lost or never found. We
seem to love so much, but now it's gone. We ask
ourselves: "Why do I feel so lonely even if he's
right beside me? Why can't our relationship be
more than this?".
I think all people have at one point in their
life experienced the painful realization of a
love unrequited. Even with all the
discouragement, even with all the well-
intentioned advice from friends, falling in love
is a no-going-back event. Unfortunately, time
can't be reversed.
Now, falling in love in itself is doubted by
people around you. They cannot feel the warmth
that consumes you. They cannot ache with the
turbulent and confusing anxiety and joy that
grips you. They do not know that mental stress
you experience trying to rationalize your
emotions. They cannot believe that you do not
want to be in love with a person who doesn't love
you back. Oftentimes, people in love are painted
as puppies following their loved ones at a
distance and enjoying it. Oftentimes, people in
love are misunderstood.
Who can enjoy running around with your heart
on your sleeve? It's like trying to cross a
tightrope and always falling into jagged cliffs
because you are nervous, oh so nervous! Loving
and loving without getting any response can be
destructive to anyone. It is a thousand deaths
every time. Its an "unmourned" for death because
no one else can understand.
Love is not sustained by hope but by wishes.
There's a difference. No matter how perverse,
people suffering from unrequited love try to get
out of it while secretly wishing that he'd give a
sign to show it isn't hopeless. In desperation,
unrequited lovers can even imagine signs if only
to remain sane.
How can you love a brick wall? A dead end? A
slavery without any sign of salvation? How
foolish! How unreasonable! Unfortunately, how
human too!
"Why won't he love me? What is wrong with
me?", scattered thoughts echoing such pain are
not exactly abnormal. Even the best-looking, best-
hearted people can't always expect others to love
them back. Why? People sometimes need to feel
unloved by everyone so that they learn to love
themselves.
There is nothing wrong with unrequited love.
It happens all the time. I won't delude you into
thinking that if he can't love you back he is not
worth it. In fact, believe that he is. He is
worth it all: the headaches, the anxiety, the
embarassment, etc. He is worth it because, like
you, he needs others loving him. This sounds
funny but the world is round for a reason. We are
all part of a circle. If you love him and he
loves someone else, just think of whom you're
hurting by loving him. It's a cycle. Whose love
are you not returning?
I know we can love deeply, tenderly and
lastingly. I have seen such love and I have felt
such love myself. I learned that, aside from love
and trust, a fulfilling relationship begins when
two people make their time together their number
one priority. If we hope to find love, we must
first find time for loving. Many couples
experienced a tragic moment together that taught
them to value their time together. How we see our
partners often depends on how we are than how
they are. We are not audience but participant
observers in each other's lives.
I used to ask myself where the love between
my ex-boyfriend and I had gone. Maybe it's
because we forgot that we are the ones who make
it. Love was not out there. It was here between
my ex and me. Before, I saw him as a very sweet,
caring, patient, and loyal person. But now it's
different. It seemed like I'm the only one who
does the loving. He really changed a lot. People
really do change. Our hurtful and infantile
arguments illustrate how we, instead of looking
for love, may look for flaws. We spent the
relationship struggling to change other's minds.
But I realized it a little too late.
We must accept that there are many realities
and learn to accept different points of view. My
ex then became my eye-opener. He saw what I never
could, and do the same for him. We made points of
view between the two of us that's totally
different from either one of us. He was there
with me when it can be too cold or too warm. Both
of us were restless, yearning for more than what
we had, what we were. Everything was unbalanced
and unpredictable. In almost imperfect setting,
two not-so-perfect people shared something so
very simple---a perfectly imperfect friendship---
it's enough. At least he gave me something
beautiful to believe in (love and trust).
I have felt so much pain during the
relationship with my ex. It was hard to accept
that I have loved someone who stopped loving me.
Now, I couldn't help ask myself why do I no
longer believe those two beautiful ideas (love
and trust). Why can't I give myself a chance to
be in love again? Maybe I'm just too scared. Or
perhaps, maybe because I had been waiting for a
perfect moment, a perfect someone, and a perfect
me. maybe because I had always felt that beliefs
ought to be perfect---ideal, so to speak ugh!
At the end of the day, when all is said and
done, loving without being loved back is the best
thing to do because feeling so much pain, I learn
to heal; knowing so much fear, I learn to stand
up to anything, carrying so much sadness, I learn
to glorify in joy.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or
won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture
in which we're always learning, discovering and
growing.
Lastly, this may be a cliché but there is
someone who is right for you (and even for me),
and even if he's not, he'd still be right because
loving doesn't make sense until you accept it and
make it real.
--------------------------------------------------
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"When you fall in love, it is a temporary
madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and
then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have
to work out whether your roots have
become so entwined together that it is
inconceivable that you should ever part, because
this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness;
it is not excitement, it is not the desire to
mate every second of the day, it's not laying
awake at night imagining that he is kissing
every part of your body. No, that is just being
in love, which any of us can convince ourselves
we are. Love, itself, is what is left over when
being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very
exciting does it? But, it is. "
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